Just been thinking about life and relationships of late. Mostly because of a few conversations I have had recently, things have been ticking over in my head.

There seems to be a perception out there that being in a relationship is the completion of one’s journey in life. That’s not to say it’s seen as the END of one’s life, but as the zenith, the pinnacle that all need to achieve to become complete. I constantly hear people say “Only one thing would make my life better… to meet The One.” Or “Having someone by my side would make life complete for me.”

It’s got me thinking. Is that what life is really about? Just being paired up and then it’s all groovy? Do people really think that just because they’ve found a partner, their life will suddenly get all easy and they won’t have any times where they struggle, or where things could be better? Does that mean because I am single right now, that I am somehow deficient in some way?

I don’t think so. I think there is only one thing that can make my life better. Me. Just like the only thing that can make your life better is YOU. My life isn’t completed by having a partner. It’s lovely, it’s something I do want, but not to complete my life. It’s there to compliment my life. Life certainly won’t stop having it’s “shitola” moments, where it’s difficult or confusing or frightening, if I have a partner.

Which brings me to the thought that there are whole swathes of people out there that are either putting their lives on hold until they find a partner, or they’re not appreciating the fabbo things about the life they are having as a single person. They’re always focused on what they don’t have, rather than what actually IS in their lives. I’m guilty of going through those phases too, but I’ve learnt over the past… well God knows how many years, that focusing on what IS, right here and now is far healthier and more satisfying than constantly lamenting, even in a jocular or wistful way, on any perceived lack in my life.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want a relationship. I do, very much so. I not only think it would be a lovely thing to share my life with someone, but I do believe that I have a LOT to bring to another person as part of a relationship. I want a family. I want romance (I am a hopeless romantic!) I want that intimate companionship. I want sex! Ok, I know, TMI there people huh?

But that said, I don’t think those things are going to complete my life in any way. They’ll certainly be rather delicious add-ons, but life is still rich and full and amazing without them. And in the areas that it could use some improvement, well that’s my responsibility, not anyone else’s. Besides, what an awful lot of pressure to put on another person! I certainly wouldn’t want to be responsible for the completion, the pinnacle, the zenith of anyone else’s life! I want to be a complimentary feature of their lives. An enhancement feature perhaps.

Life is what you make it people. Not what other people bring to it.


March 29, 2008. Uncategorized.


  1. Anonymous replied:

    Hear Hear! A very timely reminder to myself, have had silly thoughts and needed the gentle swat upside the head I gor from this postCheers Kerri

  2. Sleepydumpling replied:

    *gentle swat*

  3. Anonymous replied:

    well i have a thick head, so yes, it was a gentle swat and thanks again!

  4. Queen Etherea replied:

    wonderful posts. i totally agree with you… i’ve been guilty of “waiting” for that perfect man for so long that i’ve lost out on some of the best years of my life. no use crying over spilled milk, but i’m 100% with you on the point that i’m living for ME now and if i get in a relationship, i want to be a male enhancement. (:P)

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